Person in the mind

I don’t quite sure I’d be write this though Imma one of people cant told the fact of their own live. Fact is, I writing right now, woud be ready to share. I always have a small wish in a big dream. People want others. Person wants significant other to make their live be something. Complete the incomplete, strenghten the weak. unluckily im the one with those last words. Desperate coming on when I cant tell anybody how lucky they are. How lucky they can have what they want, reach their wish in each of their step they didn’t recognize,the one they love. I did, but then again, fate’s coming through. I cant be with someone with something he brought inside-out, Religion. Im actually wont explain bout that. I do want someone with whoever he is, he put me through all this. Through all the worst thing I had, through the most unuseful time I got. The only I have is super power. My super power would be to draw something and it comes alive. So I draw my future lover. Only problem is.. I don’t know what they look like.

With that desperate I though will be come up disappear, I started something new. Something unsual to me. I started liking the significant other who I truly cant love in every situation I admitting. Like I got something in boxes and I can enjoying each the box with every strength they have. I start to make up my mind that im liking those box even I cant reach the boxes. Like Im glad to just staring at them everytime they talk to me. As I told the box, they are who people called “significant others”. I didn’t even know who they are, what they “actually” look like, and HOW THEIR FEELING INTO MINE. Im just, glad to saying Im liking with no reasons, and with the reasons I cant tell with my mind. Theyre the person in my mind. I keeping the hush, keeping quite with every single smile they talk to me in screen.

I had a wish, lil wish that hard to coming through..

He’ll be telling me something that could make my chest beating fast and my stomach feels so butterflies. With he'd saying

“When the evening shadows and the stars appear. And there is no one there to dry your tears. I could hold you for a million years. To make you feel my love”

The fact is.. im happy with my person in my mind J

Have you ever?

Have you ever?

Have you ever been at the time when you feel like living in a castle, huge room, that you supposed to have tons of happiness, you just living a loneliness instead. All seems no real. All seems you cant have. And all seems fiction whoever lives in the town. Your bestfriend exchange to be a lonely window, the screen, and the wall. You feel better like when you speak alone to the wall, to the ceiling. The one you come speak when needed cant anymore. The one you think can be there, is them.. who always cant be there. The one that you give you a birth, likewise give you this cruel things. I know sounds crazy, even God you think will help you, he didn’t even hear you (yet). Really, though? Like you being extrovert in crowd, the same time so introvert in your own palace. And you don’t want everyone knows what you really feeling instead of make them believe youre glad as who you are. Otherwise theyre not feeling yours. Most of the time you give your head with antusiasm this wont last long. But then again, youre wrong. No one lives there. Your world, is your world..

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Do Men Can Do?

women are like a diamond in this world. when they're young they have to keep their virginity just for their future, when their grow older they have to open mind to
everyone cause women actually ain't well very much to assosiate so they will know who's the mr right that will come.
when get married, women are ready to put off their pleasure of taste the world, get pregnant cause have to be able to bring a happiness to their husband, get ill and retch cause of
the baby inside, get fat cause of pregnant, get rough cause they have to fight all of the body to reveal their child, get lost their blood cause of too much blood stream,
get smile to look for their child when the body lost the energy. get patient when their husband almost lost the brain by dishonest and drift away, apolozing everytime their lover
did it again. be good house wifes as a public guidance.
can men do that?

I know this song is too mellow, but I don't know, I really love this song

Joy Enriquez How Can I Not Love You Lyrics

Cannot touch
Cannot hold
Cannot be together

Cannot love
Cannot kiss
Cannot have each other

Must be strong,
And we must let go
Cannot say
What our hearts must know
How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you
Here in my arms

How does one waltz away
From all the memories
How do I not miss you
When you are gone

Cannot dream
Cannot share
Sweet and tender moments

Cannot feel
How we feel
Must pretend it's over

Must be brave,
And we must go on
Must not say,
What we've known all along

How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you
Here in my arms

How does one waltz away
From all the memories
How do I not miss you
When you are gone
How can I not love you..

[[Musical Interlude]]

Must be brave,
And we must be strong
Cannot say,
What we've known all along.

How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you
Here in my arms

How does one waltz away
From all the memories
How do I not miss you
When you are gone

How can I not love you..
When you are you gone.....

Saya masih bingung

apa beda musibah dan anugrah? katanya di balik semua musibah selalu ada makna yang bisa kita ambil? dan katanya anugrah itu wujud ujian tuhan untuk menilai kualitas ke-syukuran hamba-Nya.

kalo saya definiskan musibah, sebagai sesuatu yang tidak menyenangkan, jelas kontradiksi dengan statement diatas. toh setiap ada musibah berarti ada ilmu baru lagi, dan dapet ilmu baru jelas bukan sesuatu yang tidak menyenangkan!

begitu juga dengan anugrah, kalo saya artikan sebagai sesuatu yang menyenangkan, jadi rancu juga. kan dalam statement diatas disebut bahwa anugrah adalah salah satu cara tuhan mengadili kita! sejak kapan di adili jadi kegiatan favorit seseorang?

saya semakin bingung lagi ketika di ajari untuk bersyukur di kala mendapat anugrah, dan bersabar ketika dapat musibah. sabar itu apa? sukur itu apa? kalo sabar adalah sikap diam dan cenderung menahan diri, lalu kenapa saya disuruh bersabar ketika mendapat musibah? bukankah itu berarti saya mendapat ilmu baru?

dan kalo saya di suruh bersyukur ketika mendapat anugrah, apa yang saya akan syukuri? bukan kah kesyukuran itu adalah sikap menerima sesuatu dengan rasa senang dan terimakasih? kenapa saya bersyukur ketika saya di adili dan di uji?

belakangan saya mulai menyakini bahwa hidup adalah kestabilan yang tidak bisa diukur. ya, karna terlalu stabil. saya pernah denger sebuah kutipan kitab suci berbunyi “sesungguhnya ada kemudahan di balik kesulitan” ketika saya merasakan kesulitan, ada kemudahan? apakah dua hal ini adalah sesuatu yang sama? kenapa saya harus takut menerima musibah bila dibaliknya ada kemudahan? dan bila kemudahan diasosiasikan sebagai anugrah, kenapa saya harus bersyukur? bukankah itu berarti saya sedang di uji?

ah entahlah, hidup adalah sebuah proses menuju mati. siapa yang tahu apa yang akan terjadi setelah kematian? siapa yang tahu artinya sebuah proses bernama hidup. ini adalah sebuah skema yang di rancang tidak untuk di pahami. cukup bagi saya untuk mengetahui siapa saya, apa diri saya, dan apa yang ada di dalam diri saya.