Friday, October 14, 2011


WHOW ! Where to start... actually long time enough not writing some stories in my blog and... taraaaa !!!
my life seems changing. I get up and clear all stressnes that even stay for long time in my head and my life.

whoa, I feel like I grow up. I consider things are not that hard, we live for things, the things we need to learn, then learning things make us who we are. make what we aware of the mature person, of take things logically because not all things need to take emotionally and too deeply because we are young, and forever has long long way of changing things.

life shape me, shape my way of thinking. I love the way life goes on everyday, that everyday is a laughter, a new adventure, new experiences, new mind to be grow, new things to share to closet people you use to love.. family, friends. there is a point in life that people never realize this but really common words..
you know how many people want to live you live? how many people needs to things you never consider as the worth things, if you count how many people in your life that love you, will you still complain about things you never had about life you always dreaming?

I feel like I have no boyfriend because boys don't always make my priority in my life, mine is my priority. I am not that kinda girl that desperate over guys and feel wud likely to die if I have not one. don't be the girl that needs a man. they said; stand on your own feet, if you have no feet stand on whichever it is.

thankyou Allah of whatever it is I've been through, of things I think bite me too much yet actually build me up either.

I love all the people that fit in my life... parents, family, bestfriends, friends, xoxo.
I love you the most Allah. if there any most of the most you'll be to me, God. you show me the way within my prays.. you taught me the life I neve expect and HULA, this is me and my happiness :)

Thursday, February 24, 2011

your so called

Letter to YOU... and GOD.
Ps: read carefully...
Once upon a time i thought that was easy to meet your so called soulmate. But the more we grow up..
fact told all of us, it isnt as easy as it seems. Its hard as hell.
Its like you let yourself talking to the wall.. let your eyes dry itself knowing that the wall has never ever talking back.
Like how idiot you are. Like you can’t even think youre smart enough to think about it.
Thats what i know about being absolutely head underfeet, upside down.
When everything seems far from perfect, at first you got it so call perfectly comfortable perfect but you surely had to left it instead of let it ran by fate,
by something better off that way, by something you surely knew you couldn’t ever got it back but you gotta leave,
by something you have been crying for years, by something everyone says their understanding when they trully aren’t.
What is it God? Life is a choice, I know. But do I look like taking choice which will hurting myself after all?
God I’m never tired of praying, but I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of dying. I’m tired of looking.
As a good song said “is true love just once in a lifetime?” then is that true love is the both parties would feel the same way,
Or is it just one side who will always being suffer? God...... this pain is just too real.
I’m exactly trying to show you that i’m though and rough, but years can prove you well, I can’t.
I can’t keep pretending. God.. I wanna get over it. I really want. But everytime I’m trying, life fails me.
Dear first love who’s I bet you know you’re the one and you had said it too (even you may dont feel it anymore)...
you did. You absolutely did. You win my heart out of the guys i’ve been fall in love with. Remember like... i’ve been attached to you for 4 years.
That’s when I said high school had a real story. One of the biggest story is about you... and you... and always you.
The 1st grade i fell in love with you, 2nd grade the feeling went strong and fate let us knew how beautiful faithful it was, 3th grade I can’t stop cried for you.
When graduated I feel like the one who always pretend I can let you be with someone else. I tried, I’m trying to find another you, there isn’t.. there isn’t everywhere.
Especially not that someone like you, but someone who I can feel for you, and someone who prove me right “I am more-than-special, to you.”
I’m sorry it was not a dumped.. everyone knows. Its because I know you’ll be happy without me, you’ll be happy with your own life.
And I prove you right : ‘) I’m glad you are. So I did.. I did.. I win to make you happy with my choice.
But I can’t... I can’t stop....

Yours sincerely,
Your so called first love

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Person in the mind

I don’t quite sure I’d be write this though Imma one of people cant told the fact of their own live. Fact is, I writing right now, woud be ready to share. I always have a small wish in a big dream. People want others. Person wants significant other to make their live be something. Complete the incomplete, strenghten the weak. unluckily im the one with those last words. Desperate coming on when I cant tell anybody how lucky they are. How lucky they can have what they want, reach their wish in each of their step they didn’t recognize,the one they love. I did, but then again, fate’s coming through. I cant be with someone with something he brought inside-out, Religion. Im actually wont explain bout that. I do want someone with whoever he is, he put me through all this. Through all the worst thing I had, through the most unuseful time I got. The only I have is super power. My super power would be to draw something and it comes alive. So I draw my future lover. Only problem is.. I don’t know what they look like.

With that desperate I though will be come up disappear, I started something new. Something unsual to me. I started liking the significant other who I truly cant love in every situation I admitting. Like I got something in boxes and I can enjoying each the box with every strength they have. I start to make up my mind that im liking those box even I cant reach the boxes. Like Im glad to just staring at them everytime they talk to me. As I told the box, they are who people called “significant others”. I didn’t even know who they are, what they “actually” look like, and HOW THEIR FEELING INTO MINE. Im just, glad to saying Im liking with no reasons, and with the reasons I cant tell with my mind. Theyre the person in my mind. I keeping the hush, keeping quite with every single smile they talk to me in screen.

I had a wish, lil wish that hard to coming through..

He’ll be telling me something that could make my chest beating fast and my stomach feels so butterflies. With he'd saying

“When the evening shadows and the stars appear. And there is no one there to dry your tears. I could hold you for a million years. To make you feel my love”

The fact is.. im happy with my person in my mind J

Have you ever?

Have you ever?

Have you ever been at the time when you feel like living in a castle, huge room, that you supposed to have tons of happiness, you just living a loneliness instead. All seems no real. All seems you cant have. And all seems fiction whoever lives in the town. Your bestfriend exchange to be a lonely window, the screen, and the wall. You feel better like when you speak alone to the wall, to the ceiling. The one you come speak when needed cant anymore. The one you think can be there, is them.. who always cant be there. The one that you give you a birth, likewise give you this cruel things. I know sounds crazy, even God you think will help you, he didn’t even hear you (yet). Really, though? Like you being extrovert in crowd, the same time so introvert in your own palace. And you don’t want everyone knows what you really feeling instead of make them believe youre glad as who you are. Otherwise theyre not feeling yours. Most of the time you give your head with antusiasm this wont last long. But then again, youre wrong. No one lives there. Your world, is your world..

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


Sunday, May 16, 2010

Monday, January 18, 2010

Do Men Can Do?

women are like a diamond in this world. when they're young they have to keep their virginity just for their future, when their grow older they have to open mind to
everyone cause women actually ain't well very much to assosiate so they will know who's the mr right that will come.
when get married, women are ready to put off their pleasure of taste the world, get pregnant cause have to be able to bring a happiness to their husband, get ill and retch cause of
the baby inside, get fat cause of pregnant, get rough cause they have to fight all of the body to reveal their child, get lost their blood cause of too much blood stream,
get smile to look for their child when the body lost the energy. get patient when their husband almost lost the brain by dishonest and drift away, apolozing everytime their lover
did it again. be good house wifes as a public guidance.
can men do that?